Romance and the Complicated Chick

Romance. A 7 letter word that packs a powerful punch. Regardless of what we say… we’re female…and we want it. If you’re a male then chances are you might be living in the dark ages about what’s romantic and what’s not. If you’re romancing modern day June Cleavers, Betty Crockers, or a traditional type female then you’re probably okay sticking with the typical cliche scenarios. If you’re smitten with a complicated chick….then I’m here to help you. On behalf of myself and complicated chicks everywhere…listen and learn.

Get in touch with your EMO side. Get in touch with your EMO side. Get in touch with your EMO side. There..said it three times because it’s important. No…you don’t have to dress EMO…although, if you can pull it off … GO FOR IT. There are a million EMO websites,songs…read the $h!t these guys write for their girls. Did you get that?…WRITE…as in LOVE LETTERS/LOVE SONGS. No… you don’t have to get out the pen and paper if you’re too lazy…e-mail,private notes,even blogs are acceptable in today’s world… not quite as romantic but better than nothing.

ROMANTIC OR NOT (Keeping it simple for you)

Roses on an anniversary = NOT.  A wildflower bouquet for NO reason = YES. (if none grow where you are/it’s winter…you can buy them practically everywhere now)

Dinner reservations for the Valentine Package at an area restaraunt = NOT. Bringing home that can of paint she’s been wanting with her favorite bottle of wine and a pizza with the intentions of  seducing her down off that ladder = YES.

Surprising her with bubblebath = NOT. Surprising her by JOINING HER IN A  BUBBLEBATH = YES. (especially if you get in fully dressed..oo-la-la)

Grabbing her a$$ = NOT. (except for sometimes…) Randomly walking up and unexpectedly hugging her from behind = YES.

Spending 100% of your time with her = NOT. Wanting to spend as much time with her as you can = YES.

ONLY texting her to remind her to do something = NOT. Randomly texting her to say you can’t stop thinking about her = YES.

Spending time together doing all the things you love = NOT. Spending time together doing the things you both love = YES. (remember–it’s okay to have time apart to enjoy other things..and don’t forget your friends)

Obnoxious unwarranted jealousy = NOT. Rational non-violent jealousy = YES. (but only if you express those feelings to her so she doesn’t think you’re just pouting)

Responding to her attempts at conversation with “Yeah” and “Uhmmm” = NOT. Not being scared to have deep conversations or just talk about anything into all hours of the night = YES.

 Bottom line…if you want that complicated chick…then you can’t be scared to….get complicated. Too much work? Stick with the Carol Bradys of the world.

 

Letter to Veteran’s Administration:You Win,We Lose

Dear VA,

We give up. You win. We lose. You have successfully defeated an 86year old woman and her family with your strategies. Brilliant. You should consider using the same tactics for enemy interrogations. I think you will find it just as effective with terrorists as when it is used on the people that serve your nation and their families. Just in case you have forgotten anything…let me recap it for you…so you can incorporate it into your employee handbook.

Start with a 19 year old. Send him to Vietnam. Send him home in one piece physically…(don’t worry, the Agent Orange you sprayed him with while he was in the jungle will lie dorment in his body and never get diagnosed until it causes him to die a slow and painful death many years later)… but in scattered pieces mentally. Deny him and millions of other Vietnam Vets benefits for decades. Finally award benefits after being shamed into it by a nation (don’t worry, it will still go in your favor because it is too late for many/most of them.) Conveniently have a fire that destroys millions of Vietnam Veteran’s military records and make them wait several more years for replacements. Put him and his family through a bureaucracy of hell when they try to apply for any benefits that you have taunted them with that could make a difference in his quality of  life before death. Lose his paperwork repeatedly…even when sent certified or hand delivered. Send form after form…always claiming that the last one…that you sent and swore was the right one…. was,afterall….incorrect. Tell his family members point blank to give up…that he will be dead before any benefit is awarded. When a family member is obstinate give in only if they threaten to go to the media. (don’t worry–he will lose the benefit as soon as it is awarded because by this time it’s too late and he will be sent to a long term care VA Facility to die…therefore making him ineligible.) Once he is deceased acknowledge his death by holding a mass memorial service at the Faciltiy where he and other Veterans died during the year and show a film that states it is dedicated to the “Brave men and women who fought in WWI and WWII”…even though at least half of the families there are for Veterans of multiple wars…including Vietnam and more recent. Don’t forget to send the families a flag…for the coffin. Then wait 3 years after his death and send his survivor, which happens to be his 86 year old mother, a very callous letter stating that you are acknowledging that his death was caused by Agent Orange exposure. When the family inquires about having his name added to the Vietnam Wall Memorial in Washington (which can be done and is done once a year) tell them that Vietnam Veterans who died from exposure to Agent Orange or suffered deaths stemming from PTSD are NOT eligible because…”It is estimated that including those names would take another entire wall to be built.” Don’t worry about those that haven’t died yet…you can give their families the same excuse…by then it would probably take 2 or 3 more walls. Send another letter placing a monetary value on the deceased. Offer it to the survivor…throw in the funeral expenses as well. When they send in the forms lose them 2 or 3 more times…then request more info. Make sure to ask for things that might be upsetting to the family each time…so what if they are traumatized by requests for things like itemized statements from the funeral home….questions about the cost of embalming fluid and ice used in the morgue to store their loved ones body, transports cost to and from the crematorium, etc. Many families keep a file of documentation with the VA…if they have to refer to it often it causes them to re-live the details of their loved ones death. They will frequently become weary and stop.

 That is the goal, right?…make them give in…make it so hard… that they just go away. You win. We are going away. What a feather in your cap. We have pulled out that file…re-visited the pain—for the last time. It’s time to move on and remember the good, none of which, involves YOU. Well done VA… well done.

Things You Should Do In Stilettos

Walk two miles. Step on a spider. Chase a child. Out run someone you don’t want to talk to. Run down someone you do want to talk to. Kick someone who gets too close. Kick someone who doesn’t get close enough.

 

Cook a gourmet meal. Order take-out. Get married. Get divorced. Go on a date. Go out with the girls. Walk the dog. Ride a horse. Take a bath. Be filthy. Shop ’til you drop. Stand in line. Sit on your ass. Look pretty. Visit your Grandma.

 

Steal a man. Sing a song. Read a book. Go to the Doctor. Visit the sick. Make prank phone calls. Call a friend. See a show. Film a documentary. Move. Fly a kite. Go to Starbucks. Drink wine. Dance a jig. Blow bubbles. Swim. Ride a bike. Wish on a star. Save the planet. Break a heart. Kiss a frog. Talk dirty. Be nice. Make mudpies. Vacuum. Bake cupcakes. Eat a popsicle. Go to bed. Wake up in them. Smile.

The Poetry Man

Yeah..baby. I’m bloggin about JB….Jackson Browne. The all-time greatest poet,singer,songwriter ever…hands down. As a teenager I fell in love with his music first and then with him. I remember reading in some celebrity magazine that his favorite place to hang out in LA was a restauraunt called Lucy’s El Adobe.

I had great plans of heading out there..hooking up and living happily ever after. That was a long time ago and it didn’t take long for that part of the dream to die…but his music has stayed with me for most of my life and will always have a place in my heart. I don’t know if I could name a favorite if I tried…all of his early stuff is incredible…Bright Baby Blues would probably be one that I would mention, if forced…along with The Pretender, Before the Deluge, For a Dancer, Colors of the Sun…don’t even get me started. Lyrics were meant to mean something and in this…he is a God. There is probably a few things you might not know about him. These are just a few…

Born on October 9th,1948 (are you kidding me? he’s that old? I’m that old? He’s way older than me, btw)…in Heidelberg, Germany. Clyde Jackson Browne. One of three children. He moved with his family in 1951 to Los Angeles…into a home,Abbey Sun Encin, built in the 1920’s by his grandfather.

The Teen-Age Years

His father and father’s father were musicians so he acquired his talent naturally and by 1968 had a deal with Elektra on the novel project “The Music Ranch”…where a resort of musicians lived on site to, in theory, inspire visiting artists with higher levels of inspiration. In reality it was a fun party at which little got done. Elektra dubbed the name “Baby Browning” to a trio from this experiment that consisted of Jackson Browne, Jack Wilce, and Ned Doheny. An entire album was recorded but never released. In the 70’s Jackson got his big break when he hooked up with manager David Geffen. 1973 brought Phyllis Major into his life.

Phyllis Major

 The song “Ready or Not” was essentially about his bar-room brawl over her with another musician. He won…they married and had a son, Ethan Zane Browne…photographed for the cover of Rolling Stone by Annie Leibovitz. Majors commited suicide in 1976.

Ethan and Dad These Days

 He took a lengthy hiatus while recovering from her death. The Pretender album was released shortly after but much of it had been recorded prior to the tragic event. The song “Here Come Those Tears Again”  however,was a joint effort with his mother-in-law using lyrics that Majors had written prior to her death. In 1974 Phoebe Snow released a song entitle “Poetry Man” that was written about Jackson but they never had a relationship. He eventually married again to Lynne Sweeney, they had a son, Ryan Daniel Brown, but divorced in the mid 80’s. He has never re-married but was in a tumultuous relationship with the actress, Daryl Hannah, most famous for the movie Splash.

 A longtime reported relationship with Dianna Cohen followed.

That’s some of the facts and gossip. His music has spanned decades and there is too much info out there to include all of it. Jackson wrote the song “These Days” when he was only 16 years old. He spent a brief time as part of The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band and Gentle Souls.But really, it’s all about the music/lyrics anyway…or it should be…and his speaks like no other. In closing…found a few pictures I thought I would share…along with the lyrics to one of his songs. Again, I really couldn’t pick a favorite if I had to. He has a song for just about any mood or any life situation you are experiencing.

Early Days

 

  

 

Okay..so maybe I got a little carried away with the pictures…you think?

Bright Baby Blues

I’m sitting down by the highway
Down by that highway side
Everybody’s going somewhere
Riding just as fast as they can ride
I guess they’ve got a lot to do
Before they can rest assured
Their lives are justified
Pray to God for me baby
He can let me slide

‘Cause I’ve been up and down this highway
Far as my eyes can see
No matter how fast I run
I can never seem to get away from me
No matter where I am
I can’t help feeling I’m just a day away
From where I want to be
Now I’m running home baby
Like a river to the sea

Baby if you can see me
Out across this wilderness
There’s just one thing
I was hoping you might guess
Baby you can free me
All in the power of your sweet tenderness

I can see it in your eyes
You’ve got those bright baby blues
You don’t see what you’ve got to gain
But you don’t like to lose
You watch yourself from the sidelines
Like your life is a game you don’t mind playing
To keep yourself amused
I don’t mean to be cruel baby
But you’re looking confused

Baby if you can hear me
Turn down your radio
There’s just one thing
I want you to know
When you’ve been near me
I’ve felt the love stirring in my soul

It’s so hard to come by
That feeling of peace
This friend of mine said
“Close your eyes, and try a few of these”
I thought I flying like a bird
So far above my sorrow
But when I looked down
I was standing on my knees
Now I need someone to help me
Someone to help me please

Baby if you need me
Like I know I need you
There’s just one thing
I’ll ask you to do
Take my hand and lead me
To the hole in your garden wall
And pull me through

Info and photo sources:  www.jrp-graphics.com  www.wikipedia.com